Wednesday, December 9, 2009

2007 a year of great things 919 & 991

So new years eve rolled around and we both were at working. So much for that new year's kiss! ;-) Oh well. It was nice knowing we were both safe. That January there was a bridal fair in town. My sister won tickets and we went. We thought his deployment was going to be that fall and so I knew we'd be married before then so we went with that date in mind. Nothing like faking like you are engaged! ;-) I signed up for any free stuff I could try to win just in case. Still no proposal. Then his birthday rolled around. It was the year the Superbowl was played on his day! His youngest son and I got him some gifts and a cake (superbowl of course!) and just chilled with him. It was nice. I got him the book he was wanting (Forced into Glory) and it was a good day. If I remember the team he wanted to win did.. Hmmm.... I also during this time fall on the ice.

We were supposed to go somewhere and it was sunny and sun on ice is blinding so he needed his shades. Of course they weren't in the vehicle so he goes inside to look for them. I get out of the vehicle to go inside and help him find them and SPLAT. I hit the ground. Not a good start! I get up slowly, hurting, and we find his glasses. UGh. Frustrating but he was such a sweetheart about it. I knew I had a keeper!

So then rolls around February 9th. It was a Friday night and I was off (I was on third now too) and he was working. He called me around 1:45 on Saturday morning. Of course I was still awake! LOL He called me at least once a night while at work which I always looked forward too. He starts small talk then says that he'd been thinking and thinks we should get legalized. Meaning lets get officially married. We were dealing with people at work trying to figure out if we were or weren't together and wanted the protection of being married.

So I asked him what he meant. He said again that he thinks we should get legalized and I told him all you have to do is ask. We go back and forth for a few then he gets a call on his radio and has to go. So basically I was engaged at that point! So he got home around 7 am and I asked him if he was serious when he was on the phone earlier. He said yes and I said well you know what you have to do. So he asked me to marry him! I of course said YES!

So that day we go to help my dad move and he tells my dad his intentions and I tell my sister. I wanted a white dress but he just wanted it down. So my dad says we can go to Miami, OK and get married that same day. I told him we could do that if I got the white dress ceremony. We agreed and decided Monday morning when I got off work we'd get dad and all of us would go to OK. On Sunday we went to the mall and picked out my ring. He told his youngest son when we got back by pinching his stomach and saying "We're getting married". Ashton didn't like the approach so much. On Monday, I got off work, came home fixed my hair got changed, and he was getting ready. We went and met my dad, and off we went for the 4 hour drive.

While on the drive we talk about kids. I got him to agree to 2 successful pregnancies and whatever came about. So we finally get there and the office is closed for lunch, so we went and got lunch and came back. Paid our $50 bucks and walked the license across the street to Lavern's wedding chapel and paid our $50 there and prepared for the ceremony. It was a 3 room house they used for it. Dad walked me down the aisle and we exchanged vows and were pronounced legal. :D We got back in the vehicle and came home. Mind you it was a COLD, dreary Feb. 12, 2007. Now started the planning for the wedding, the white dress ceremony.

919 & 991 06 continued

So its been awhile since I posted. I'm sorry.. This journey has been hard and I forget things constantly! So I left off with AT.

That summer my niece, Emma, was born. I was able to be at the hospital when she was born and James made his way up there. He even held her which was totally awesome. Seeing him with a little baby in his arms made me love him that much more and could see us with ours. I think that he fell in love with her instantly. His youngest son came up too and so that really made me realize we could all be a family.

So Fall of 2006 I was living practically with James at his house. I still had my apartment, but I never stayed there. Only went to pay the rent, get something I forgot or wanted, check the mail, etc. Waste of money! So in October James said why don't you just move in. So of course I agreed and I put in my notice to be out by my birthday! What a great gift! ;-) So slowly I packed and moved in. Only waiting til the last days of course to bring stuff to his place. LOL I remember having to be out by 5 and I locked the keys in the apartment and James had to drive over (he wasn't too thrilled let me tell ya!) to let me and dad in so we could get the last bit and turn in the key! We did it! So by Veteran's Day I was living with James happily!

Then my birthday came. My friends all thought he'd propose and I started hoping so too! Well James didn't get that memo and so I was pretending not to snoop but I couldn't find anything! I had no clue what he bought. Well he gets home from work (he was on third shift now) and said you want your present? Of course I couldn't resist. So he gave it to me... A gift card. Yep.. for Victoria's Secret. Mind you I can't buy their bras so I was like WTF! And he didn't even write anything on a card, just the one they place it in. I was not a happy camper and tried to pretend like it was ok and we went to bed. I sent a text to my friend and she was like No, he probably got something else. Nope that was it! I am not materialistic at all.. Don't get it twisted. But when you get your hopes up its not good! SO I had a breakdown.

Even his oldest son told him you don't get your serious girlfriend a gift card. That is not what you do! LOL So that became a story to tell between us. LOL I got over it slowly, but was disappointed I wasn't engaged. :D

So then Thanksgiving came around and I cooked our first dinner together. Had my famous turkey from the crockpot! It was good and I think he was happy to see me cook. It was my sister and her kids and husband, my dad, James and I. I think that was all. It was good food and good talk. It was like we were all a family. I loved it!

Next up was Christmas. I don't remember doing anything special. I think we got together with my dad somewhere around there, but nothing jumps out. We closed out the year in love and me hoping still that he'd make me his wife. We also learned that a deployment was around the corner. That was something I was not really looking forward to, but was looking forward to having his back while he was gone. He knew this and we moved forward.

Monday, July 20, 2009

The new year... 06 971&991

So began the new year. I came to his place after I got off work (if I remember correctly!) and we shared some wine. I'm not a wine person, but it was cool to drink with him. We got along so well and looking forward to what was going to be.

I didn't mention this before.. but around October we had a turning point in our relationship. He knew I wanted kids and we had talked about kids. (Especially after spending the night once and he said I talked in my sleep! He said I said "I lost the baby!". How that was I'm not sure. It did open up conversation. He said he always had wanted a daughter, but that God knew what he was doing by not doing it. This was also when I learned about his Vasectomy. He had gotten it after Ashton was about 6 months old, which would be around the month I was born or shortly thereafter! I told him he just needed to wait for me to be old enough! LOL He told me that if he were with the right person he wanted kids with he wanted a reversal. I didn't know that was possible then and so the plan was that we would eventually start a family after his reversal! Life was grand!

SO anyway.... he mentioned something about not sure if he wanted kids. I was devastated! He knew that was the only thing in the world I really wanted. I ended up taking him to the airport for a military trip. I told him to take that time to see what he wanted. I told him I couldn't be with someone that didn't want kids, so he needed to make a choice: A) Me with the future with kids B) Just friends but no relationship. I cried after I left the airport. I sent him off with a kiss and I love you and hoped for the best.

When he was gone we talked daily! It was great. When he got back he said he wanted to be with me. So we moved forward!

There isn't too much that really stands out in the beginning of 06. He ended up changing his radio number at work to 919 and I was ticked! He was 971 not 919! How dare he change! ;-) I would always refer to him as 971 and it was like our little joke! That summer he went to annual training.

While at annual training a couple funny things happened. First if you are military you understand the significance of the coins. For those not in the military, a coin is important. It shows normally the unit, commanders, accomplishments, etc. They are given to each other most often through a handshake. James has a ton of these! So anyway while there the younger soldiers wanted to present him with a "coin". They took a piece of cardboard and on one side it said "Privates Coin" with the insigna. Then on the back "For excellence in making, we salute you!". When he came back it joined his other coins! We still have it!

The other thing is the cherry coke! James loved his soda, whether it was coke, pepsi, etc. He loved cherry flavored EVERYTHING! Cough syrup, throat drops, soda, icecream toppings, etc. So he was there and bought a cherry coke. He had it in the cooler because he only would drink it COLD! So they all get done doing some things and come back for drinks. He reaches in the cooler of all water bottles and his soda is missing! Oh no! LOL He starts raising cain about it and how you don't take things that aren't yours etc. He walks off and a young private comes up and tells the 1SGT he didn't realize it was CSM's! He was scared of what would happen! SO the soda was returned, name written on it. To this day whenever we would go anywhere a Cherry Coke was brought or bought for CSM! At the funeral the 1SGT had the COL give James a Cherry Coke and it was placed with him during the service. It was removed before burial and the boys, grandson, COL and I shared it in his honor!

I will be back with part 2 of 06 sometime... It's hard for me to write lately, and I've been having a hard time dealing with his death. It's so much like his deployment, only I can't talk to him. It hurts more than anything and at times I get angry that God or whatever the higher being is, took him and NOT me and that I get to suffer. It's worse than anything I've ever dealt with and so exhausting. I love him more than life itself and get comfort in knowing that whenever my turn comes up (I won't speed up the process so don't worry) I will be with him for life.

Monday, June 15, 2009

First Holidays in 05- 971 and 991

Well in the first year we were dating we had Halloween, Thanksgiving, My birthday, and Christmas! Too much! ;-)

Halloween I worked, and so of course we didn't celebrate that! Then there was my birthday! James was TOO sweet! I didn't think he'd get me anything, but he did! He totally surprised me and bought me a gorgeous white gold watch! So girly and cute! I loved that watch and wore it whenever we went out on nice dates! Too cool!

Then there was Thanksgiving. I worked a double, so we didn't celebrate together. I can't remember what James did, but I know it didn't mean too much to him. :D

Christmas was interesting. Both Ja'Vaughn and Ashton came up. My dad and his girlfriend came, and my sister her husband and my nephew came (my sister was also pregnant at this time!). It was interesting to say the least. At work James had bought some nuts in a tin. He had that on the coffee table. My nephew, 2 at the time, decided to play and opened the nuts and had his fingers ALL over them! James was NOT happy! Of course he didn't say anything because it was the first holdiay, but I know how unhappy he was!

My sister also made fun of me for being a cheerleader in high school. I was not so thrilled in that at all! I mean how do you do that in front of your sister's new boyfriend and his family? UGH! Frustrating!

Now for the good parts! The boys loved their Christmas presents. My dad had bought James a brick at the Local VFW where they had a brick wall. My dad had one and James thought it was cool, so that is what my dad got him. I remember getting James something, but honestly I don't remember now what it was! He liked it which is all that counts! ;-)

James outdid himself again and bought me jewelry! He got me a 3 piece set: necklace, ring, and ear rings that were white gold (my favorite!) and my birthstone (not my favorite LOL). I actually REALLY liked them! I had never been a fan of my birthstone, and just a few days before James had asked me what I thought of my birthstone. I went off about how much I hated it, etc! ;-) Poor guy was really worried that I was going to hate the gift! ;-)

Overall, I think the day went really good! It was a good holiday and it was good to have the family around and spend the day together! :D

Meeting the sons- 971&991

I first met the oldest son, Ja'Vaughn in September. He came up to see his dad and go to one of James' ball games. James played on the jail's softball team, and so they went and had "guy time". Ja'Vaughn seemed really nice, but quiet and reserved. He was a lot like his dad in that aspect.

He came back the next month for his birthday. My cousin, her friend, James and I all took him out to dinner at Olive Garden, as it was his favorite place to go. So we went there and I had made him a homemade card. I'm sure he thought I was crazy, but oh well! LOL He got along good with my cousin and her friend, so overall I think it was pretty successful.

I remember prior to meeting any of the sons telling James' that I wanted to make sure they were comfortable with us being together. I didn't want them to be uncomfortable and valued their opinion. James told me that they would be fine whatever because they knew that "Dad would do what dad was going to do". LOL That was cool, but I wanted to make sure that they knew I wouldn't ever come between them or take their dad away. I think they appreciated that.

Ja'Vaughn came to the house and I remember him laughing at us because we had a game called "Dirty Minds". It's really not dirty but kindof boring. LOL Ja'Vaughn just shook his head! ;-)

I didn't meet Ashton until that December, over Christmas break. Ashton was going to school in FL so he didn't come up too much. I remember when I first met Ashton.. He was COMPLETELY different than Ja'Vaughn and we got along great! That first night we went to China Inn for dinner. Afterward, we went to Wal-Mart. That was funny! Ashton can speak spanish and so while in Wal-Mart a man and son walked by and said something in Spanish.

James asked Ashton what he said, and Ashton translated. It was something about taking up the aisle or something like that. James was TICKED! He wanted to go back and say something but both Ashton and I talked him out of it! LOL James didn't like it and I could understand, but also understood Ashton's point of view! That put a bit of a strain on the guys! LOL I felt like a mediator for a bit! LOL Ashton was a bit tired from driving so I think that didn't help! But we all went back to James' house and had a good conversation! I knew Ashton and I would get along great, as well as Ja'Vaughn, but it seemed like Ashton and I were more alike.

That was the first time I met the boys and I think overall it was good first impressions! :D That was the start of 2 new friendships for me.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Early days- 971&991

I don't know that I've mentioned it on here or not, but the numbers on the posts.. These were our radio numbers when I first started there! :D Later his got changed to 919, so I will refer to that number when I move on to us living together! ;-)

So after the first date, and becoming gf/bf, and that first kiss, we continued seeing each other quite often. I remember some great times just relaxing at his house, or him at my house. He'd come over after a work-out, or just because. It was so sweeet! I loved our times together. He even fell asleep and snored on my couch! ;-) It was hilarious! He'd get self-conscious though because I would watch him and he'd wake up. Too funny!

He also did this one thing that we referred to as "Rat Cheese". He was such a kid at heart. He would take his glasses and place them down his nose. Then he would make a rat face and just was goofy! It made me laugh so hard! So if his glasses ever went down low on his nose, I would say "Rat Cheese!". LOL It was fun and made us laugh.

I remember when he would bring me dinner to my apt on my dinner break. It was so cool for him to do that! He would drive clear across town just to see me for 20 mins! He was such a champ! He sometimes would complain, but I know deep down that he loved it! :D

I remember that September I believe I had a party at my house. I had some friends from work over. He was on a military weekend. I think he was a bit jealous, but that just showed me how much he really cared for me! After that point I think we grew closer together and really were looking to the future.

I know he had thought maybe he should break it off, but then realized that he wanted to be with me. I also had to give him an ultimatum once too because I wanted to make sure that he wanted the same things as me. We had, in our early days, discussed kids. He knew I wanted them, and he had even talked about wanting more too! He told me that he had a vasectomy after his youngest was about 6 months, but he had always thought if he found the right one that he'd reverse it. He said he had always thought about a daughter, but knew that God knew what he was doing by not giving him one! :D

The ultimatum was given that gave him a chance to get out if he had changed his mind about kids. I told him I couldn't date someone that didn't want any, and that if he didn't that he needed to tell me now. I told him that if he didn't we could only be friends, nothing more. this was when he went away for a long weekend Military trip so that he wasn't near me to influence him. I think that time when I dropped him off at the airport was almost harder than when I brought him back to the airport to go back after R&R. Thank goodness he stuck with me! I knew then it was for real! :D

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

The day we became bf/gf! :D 971 & 991

Well after the first date we kept talking, calling, and seeing each other. It was great! I would stay over and just chat until Midnight or so! We'd crash on his bed just relaxing! I loved it to say the least!

I still remember the first kiss! We were laying on his bed just relaxing. He then leaned in and did the eskimo kissing thing. You know the rubbing noses thing, then he leaned in and actually kissed me! He was a good kisser! ;-)

So we continued on our dates, and one night went to Taco Bell. Of all places we had been, we were just sitting there eating. Then in walked the director from the jail! Oh my! I was worried since non-supervisory staff and supervisors weren't supposed to date and I didn't want us in trouble. James said he didn't care and wasn't going to hide. I don't remember if she even said anything to us there. But sure enough a day or 2 later she called me into her office. UGh! LOL

So I went up and she asked (mind you they didn't ask James.. hmmm.) and asked if we were dating... I of course through out the age card and said "Umm.. no. We are just friends! His sons are my age!" She seemed to buy it... Oh and this was in Aug. when I was in Basic Officer Academy. Which really was a waste of time! ;-)

Then we headed over to Wal-Mart. There we ran into one of his former soldiers. He introduced me as his girlfriend. It had been about 2 weeks that we had been dating, and I didn't know we were! It was a good feeling! ;-)

That time period we also had taken one of his soldiers out for dinner too. It was cool to go out with him as a unit! I felt like I was in! :D So that's how I knew we were offical and together alone!

First Date. 971 and 991

I guess for memories I should talk about our first date.. and what led up to that..

I started working at the jail March 21, 2005. The first week during my training they had the supervisors were doing a charity thing. They were getting tazed as part of their training and there had been a raffle to raise money for something.

So James was one of the supervisors that was getting tazed. The funny thing was that he sounded JUST like Chewbaca from Star Wars while he was going down! It was Hilarious!!! That was the first time I had really seen him, and my first memory of him.

At that time I was dating someone else. We ended up breaking up a bit after that. I was working on second shift and did all of my overtime on 1st shift, where James worked. I was usually roving (roving is where you bring inmates from point a to b, or bring stuff to officers, help respond in emergencies, etc.). I usually checked with the supervisors to see if they needed anything.

James intrigued me too. I heard he was military, and being a military brat, it was really interesting. I started talking to him and he was a really nice guy. We would chat and got along well. He was also a member of CERT (like swat for the jail), and that was really interesting.

Well one day in July, he said that I should come over to his place and watch a movie sometime. I agreed and said that would be fun. Something happened and we weren't able to exchange numbers. I remember telling my cousin about him, and we googled him but couldn't find anything on him.. Hmmm...

So I went back to work but he was on days off (he had Sun/Mon off) then I went on days off, so that Thursday I mentioned to him that I couldn't very well come over on my days off if I didn't know where to go. I said we needed to exchange numbers. So he started to give me his.. I stopped him and gave him mine. I have a thing that if I take a guys number I am not interested, so if I give mine I am! ;-) So he took my number.

He called me and we talked and so on July 26, 2005 I went to his house to watch a movie. I was sooo nervous! I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know his age either. So I came in and we small talked. I remember sitting in the chair, the tan one, by the door, he was on the couch. He then said, "You can sit over here if you want" so I moved over to the couch by him! :D

We chatted then decided to go for a drive. I moved my car and we got into his 4Runner. It was blue, my favorite color. He asked about music and I saw his CDs! I had a lot of the same ones, including Lyfe, which had been my favorite CD at the time. I was instantly smitten! LOL So we went and got gas and headed over to the lake. We drove around and just talked. It was so nice and we got along so well. We went back to his house and then I left that night late. Nothing happened, but it was a wonderful date! We agreed to meet up again very soon!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Should I shant I?

I would add a poll, but I don't know how to.. so if anyone reads this... just leave a comment.

Before cancer James and I were planning on having babies, and had a VR to do so. We found out about the cancer, and found out his VR failed. So we had a testicular biopsy done and froze 1.1 million sperm. James said if something were to happen to him, he'd want me to continue on and have a baby.

What do you think? Should I? Shant I? I plan on if I decide to go ahead then I would wait until after the first of the year. My sister says it isn't fair for the child to not have a father. What about if I were to have gotten pg and then he died? Or what about those that are fatherless by choice? Is that any different? I figure they would have 2 great big brothers to tell them about their dad. What are your thoughts?

New life??

Well as of May 21, 2009 my life has changed forever. I am no longer Mrs. James. I am just Katie. :-( I never in a million years thought that I would be a widow at the ripe old age of 25, nor that James would die so young! It's so scary and confusing and I just don't know.

So this is my new blog. I want to journal my memories of James so I don't ever forget the good things. I also want to be able to write about my feelings, how it is, and how I grow. This world is SOO crazy sad! :-( I miss James more than anything and I don't know what life will bring to me!

I don't really care if anyone ever reads this... but I just need a place to type and be me. I had a crazy short marriage and wish that I could have had more. SO that is my first entry.