Monday, July 20, 2009

The new year... 06 971&991

So began the new year. I came to his place after I got off work (if I remember correctly!) and we shared some wine. I'm not a wine person, but it was cool to drink with him. We got along so well and looking forward to what was going to be.

I didn't mention this before.. but around October we had a turning point in our relationship. He knew I wanted kids and we had talked about kids. (Especially after spending the night once and he said I talked in my sleep! He said I said "I lost the baby!". How that was I'm not sure. It did open up conversation. He said he always had wanted a daughter, but that God knew what he was doing by not doing it. This was also when I learned about his Vasectomy. He had gotten it after Ashton was about 6 months old, which would be around the month I was born or shortly thereafter! I told him he just needed to wait for me to be old enough! LOL He told me that if he were with the right person he wanted kids with he wanted a reversal. I didn't know that was possible then and so the plan was that we would eventually start a family after his reversal! Life was grand!

SO anyway.... he mentioned something about not sure if he wanted kids. I was devastated! He knew that was the only thing in the world I really wanted. I ended up taking him to the airport for a military trip. I told him to take that time to see what he wanted. I told him I couldn't be with someone that didn't want kids, so he needed to make a choice: A) Me with the future with kids B) Just friends but no relationship. I cried after I left the airport. I sent him off with a kiss and I love you and hoped for the best.

When he was gone we talked daily! It was great. When he got back he said he wanted to be with me. So we moved forward!

There isn't too much that really stands out in the beginning of 06. He ended up changing his radio number at work to 919 and I was ticked! He was 971 not 919! How dare he change! ;-) I would always refer to him as 971 and it was like our little joke! That summer he went to annual training.

While at annual training a couple funny things happened. First if you are military you understand the significance of the coins. For those not in the military, a coin is important. It shows normally the unit, commanders, accomplishments, etc. They are given to each other most often through a handshake. James has a ton of these! So anyway while there the younger soldiers wanted to present him with a "coin". They took a piece of cardboard and on one side it said "Privates Coin" with the insigna. Then on the back "For excellence in making, we salute you!". When he came back it joined his other coins! We still have it!

The other thing is the cherry coke! James loved his soda, whether it was coke, pepsi, etc. He loved cherry flavored EVERYTHING! Cough syrup, throat drops, soda, icecream toppings, etc. So he was there and bought a cherry coke. He had it in the cooler because he only would drink it COLD! So they all get done doing some things and come back for drinks. He reaches in the cooler of all water bottles and his soda is missing! Oh no! LOL He starts raising cain about it and how you don't take things that aren't yours etc. He walks off and a young private comes up and tells the 1SGT he didn't realize it was CSM's! He was scared of what would happen! SO the soda was returned, name written on it. To this day whenever we would go anywhere a Cherry Coke was brought or bought for CSM! At the funeral the 1SGT had the COL give James a Cherry Coke and it was placed with him during the service. It was removed before burial and the boys, grandson, COL and I shared it in his honor!

I will be back with part 2 of 06 sometime... It's hard for me to write lately, and I've been having a hard time dealing with his death. It's so much like his deployment, only I can't talk to him. It hurts more than anything and at times I get angry that God or whatever the higher being is, took him and NOT me and that I get to suffer. It's worse than anything I've ever dealt with and so exhausting. I love him more than life itself and get comfort in knowing that whenever my turn comes up (I won't speed up the process so don't worry) I will be with him for life.


  1. These are great memories, Katie. Thanks for sharing.

  2. I am so sorry for the loss of your husband Katie. I happen to read another blog of a young widow, she is nearing the 1 year memorial day of her husbands death, I really think her blog might benifit you.